Aren't those pictures so sweet?? My friend Savanah Coon is so talented. Definitely check out her page here. We've been married for two years! That still doesn't seem real to me! Where does the time even go?? It really has been such a great two years. I honestly couldn't have a better person by my side. Anyways, enough sappy stuff :]
You've probably noticed I've been a little absent on the blog lately. To be honest, every time I sit down to blog, I just don't know what to say! The past six months have been really challenging for us. But I've learned through trials, there is so much opportunity for love and service and growth. I've put so much thought into whether or not I want to share our trials. I know a lot of times when we are going through hard times we feel completely alone. That's why I decided I want to share, so maybe I can help someone else feel comforted that there are other people out there that feel the same way you do. When I think back to my first miscarriage back in September, I felt so lonely. Nobody talks about miscarriages. Miscarriages are heartbreaking and you are left with so many questions. What could I have done differently? Is there something wrong with me? Where am I supposed to go from here? Then you see everyone posting announcing their pregnancy. Of course, you feel SO excited for them and happy that they are receiving their miracle, but your heart also aches. And you feel even more alone.
After I became more open about my miscarriage, I realized that miscarriage is so much more common than you think. I've had so many wonderful, thoughtful people reach out to me and share their own experience. I felt less and less isolated as I realized so many people had experienced the same heartbreak that I had. As I looked to my sweet friend who after experiencing multiple miscarriages, is finally having a healthy, normal pregnancy, I felt some hope. A quote she shared with me really has helped me in so many ways. Elder Bednar said "strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives—even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted."
It's so hard not to dwell on what I've lost. But the times I've felt the most comfort and overwhelming love is as I've sat in the chapel during Sacrament, as I've prayed, and as I've talked with Anthany. It's definitely a journey with lots of ups and downs. But I know our Heavenly Father loves us. He knows our dreams and our sorrows. I know without a doubt, I wouldn't have the optimism I have if it wasn't for my faith. I know our time will come. For now, I'm grateful for my opportunity to grow as an individual. Also, it has been an incredible blessing for Anthany and I's relationship. I can never repay him for the strength he showed me, the patience he always had for me, and his willingness to try every day to make me feel cared about. I'm grateful for our incredible families. Anthany's family brought us meals and were so willing to do anything to make things easier for us. My mom drove from St. George right away to be there for me. My sweet little siblings let me cry on their shoulder and played hours of Mario Kart with me haha. My dad and Tana brought us dinner and constantly checked in on us. I'm thankful for my sweet sister McKenna, who just cried with me. Also for my big sister Briana and her husband Doug. Not only did they feed us, but they went out of their way to serve us in any way they could. I can't imagine how it must feel for Bri to be preparing for her baby while I'm grieving my loss. But she is always so sensitive to my feelings and handles it all so lovingly. We have had so many more people reach out to us that we can probably never repay. We appreciate it so wholeheartedly.
Getting back on track, if you have or will or are experiencing a miscarriage, please know you are not alone. Not only are there so many people around you experiencing the same heartbreak, the Savior is always with you through any and every trial. As you turn to Him, life feels easier. And it's easier to be hopeful to the future. "Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith" - President Thomas S. Monson.
-Lindsay.
