Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Our Park Day Disaster

It's a little hard to believe that just a few minutes after I took this picture that my most traumatic moment as a mom (so far) would happen.. I'm not much of a blogger anymore but I know I want to remember this story so I wanted to make sure I wrote it down.
Work and school has me so busy lately. I often feel guilty that I don't spend enough time taking Clara to do fun things. This week, I was lucky to have three days off in a row. I really wanted to find some time to do something special with her. Things were busy with family being in town, a wedding, and homework. It was my last day off so we were running a few errands. I realized we hadn't done anything fun all weekend so I decided to drive Clara to our favorite park, the only one that has baby swings. She was so excited and kept repeating "I sing, I sing!" (meaning "swing") the whole way there. When we got there, she ran right for the swings just like she always does. 
Clara could swing for hours. She loves it. I almost always take a video or picture cause it's so darn cute how excited she gets. I always push her facing her so I can watch her giggle and grin the whole time. Unfortunately this time, we had a little bit of a freak accident. It's such a freak accident it's hard to even explain. As I was reaching to push Clara, she put her head down to look at her feet and somehow her mouth went over my wedding ring. As she swung away from me, her little tooth snagged on my ring. There was instantly so much blood and she was sobbing. I'm horrible with blood; I instantly go into panic mode. I walked her back to the car with blood dripping everywhere so I could get a look at her. I lifted up her little lip and noticed right away one of her top middle teeth was missing. I called Anthany and told him that there had been an accident and he needed to come. At this point I was on the verge of being hysterical. I called my mom and explained what happened and she told me she would call the dentist and tell them we were coming. Anthany raced to us and drove us to the dentist. I was really emotional the whole time. 

The dentist visit was pretty quick. He looked at her mouth and confirmed what I was dreading to hear, her tooth was gone. Next, they had to do an X-ray to make sure it hadn't gotten shoved into her gums. Clara was screaming. It took me, Anthany, and the dentist holding her down to get a quick X-ray and he said it was completely gone. I cried some more. I started stressing that I should have looked for her tooth, maybe we could still go back and find it. But he reassured me that they wouldn't reattach it because the risk of infection or issues with her adult teeth is too great. He tried to comfort me that her permanent teeth would come in when she was around age 6 but that made me cry even more. There was nothing else they could do for her. I'm grateful he was so patient and he even told the front desk not to charge us as we walked out. 

When we got home I was so angry and upset and embarrassed. I felt like the worst mom. I was so worried that she was hurting. I loved Clara's little gap toothed smile and I was so devastated that her smile wouldn't be the same. I was afraid of what people might think and if she would get made fun of. Anthany brought Clara inside and she was just happy and sweet and silly. It made me feel a little better that she was okay. I got her in the bath to clean up the blood that was covering her face and hands.

Last night was so difficult. I cried most of the night just feeling so guilty. Every time I see her little gap I'm overwhelmed with guilt over and over again. It's so frustrating that I was just trying to be a good mom. I was trying to make memories with Clara doing something she loved. I was being attentive. We were having fun together. It's hard to understand why it had to happen. How the heck does your toddler's tooth get knocked out by your wedding ring??? I'm grateful she is young enough, that kids her age will never notice she is missing a tooth. By the time kids get to the age that they are mean and tease, everyone around her will be losing teeth too. It's only cosmetic and she is still just as adorable as ever. She is not letting it bother her and is still her happy self. While it feels like a big deal, in reality it's not. It was definitely traumatic but it could have been something much worse. I found this quote I shared on Instagram that made me feel a little bit better and I hope if anyone is having a hard day it will make you feel better too.
Before I put Clara to bed, I was sitting on the floor with her and she was rubbing my cheek with her little hand and looking into my eyes. I know that she will be okay. And I know that despite what happened, she is still happy I took her to the park.

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