New Beginnings

It's super late and I should definitely be asleep but my brain is going a million miles an hour, like it has been constantly for the last few weeks. So.. I started this blog with the intentions of posting hilarious and adorable stories and pictures of Anthany and I's marriage. And while all of that is really fun, I have found that I enjoy more looking back at my blog and seeing what we have been through and recalling the feelings I felt during those times. This blog is my journal, scrapbook, and family newsletter all in one. So I want to write about something I usually don't.
2013 has definitely had a rocky start for me. The new year started with me suddenly no longer working at Fantastic Sams and that really knocked me down. It came with alot of mixed feelings.. anger, confusion, relief, sadness, optimism, anxiety, frustration.. basically leaving me completely drained. Job hunting is so stressful and definitely has left me feeling discouraged. Probably my biggest struggle was that Anthany and I are so close to our temple date, why would everything fall apart now? I'm willing to admit this past year has been challenging. It is definitely not easy to be the couple that isn't married in the temple. With that title comes unfair judgements, embarrassment, discouragement, feeling like you don't belong or that you aren't good enough, and you can't help but feel like an outsider. However, the journey has also been incredible. Anthany and I have become so much closer and been able to establish a solid relationship built upon the love we both share for the gospel. I almost can't believe how far we have come and the improvements we continue to strive for. We absolutely can't wait to be sealed.
So back to my question.. Why is this happening now? When we are doing what we are supposed to? Shouldn't this next month be filled with nothing but blessings and joy? With everything we have been through preparing for this, couldn't the last little stretch just be easy? Of course, with my running background, I finally realized the last stretch is the hardest part of the race. The final stretch is what makes you or breaks you. The final stretch is where you have to push yourself with every little bit you have left so you can succeed. Nobody reaches their full potential by coasting to the finish line. Through all that I've come to realize, that this is happening because it's our final test to prove that we are ready for this huge step in our lives. I don't think it's for us to prove to our families or the bishop or even to Heavenly Father that we are ready, but to prove it to ourselves. So we can know without a doubt, that even though this crappy and unfair situation has come our way, we just have to trust in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We have to trust that he won't abandon us, that he knows the heartache we feel, and that if we do our part he will take care of us. And with that knowledge, all my negative emotions are gone and I can find peace. I think D&C 6:36 says it best "Look unto me in every thought: doubt not, fear not."
I am so thankful for how blessed Anthany and I truly are. I'm thankful for everyone that has supported us and helped us to get where we are today. I love the gospel so much and the good it continually does in my life. I truly hope all my friends and family can find that same joy in their own beliefs because it's amazing and life-changing. I'm sorry this post was so emotional and religious. The last thing I want to do is be preachy or make anyone uncomfortable. But I just felt like I needed to share my feelings and my struggle because maybe one of my friends is going through something similar and needs to hear it. Life is so good.
-Lindsay